Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
