margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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