ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
