You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
