May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
