He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize