I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We got so high we made milksteak
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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