Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
