I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
