not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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