haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
