I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
