Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
