i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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