My Higher Power is John Stamos
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
