flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
