Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
