Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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