12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
