I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
