sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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