I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
