he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
