I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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