Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
