She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Farmville is her only friend.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
