so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
