Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
