Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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