1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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