So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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