Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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