wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
