I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
