Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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