i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
