he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
