Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
