I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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