I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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