u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
