I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
