Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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