my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
