If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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