I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
