woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
