I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
