but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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