And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
