I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
