Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
