Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
