Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
