Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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