She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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