at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
