Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
