She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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