We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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