So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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