If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
