Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
