so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
