wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
