My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
