so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
