i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
