You work out of a Hotel?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
