apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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